It’s around 11:30pm. I couldn’t handle it anymore. I decided to go out of the house. As I walk alone at night at our village, looking for an open store to buy a stick of Marlboro Lights, I thought of how cool this night is. A vast contrast to the heat of midday where I cranked the AC up as I couldn’t bear the hell like ambiance at my room. So I reached Phase 1 in my quest for an open store. Not smoking for a day is a feat for me. My usual day would start off with stress, then more stress, and finally end with stress. Every puff is just so addicting, as it gives you that boost or ‘high’ and helps you clear your mind. The wonders of nicotine..

So I finally got one. I then thought of exploring Phase 1 since I’m already in the neighborhood and proceeded to the direction of the Church. Here I am minding my own business, when all of a sudden someone from behind murmured, “excuse me, pwede maki sindi?”

The timbre was a bit soft, like it belonged to a 15 year old kid. Being nice and all, I turned around with a smile and said sure. To my surprise, it was UST kid. I admit I was taken aback seeing him again. Those long lashes, those moist lips.. I could hear my heartbeat skipping a beat and beating faster, then skipping another beat, then going at it again. I remember the smell of his breath that morning he fell asleep on my shoulders. Just the mere memory was intoxicating, what more if I smell them again. I might faint.

He was a bit surprised to see me too. I recovered quickly and fished my pockets for my lighter. I realized I didn’t bring it with me. Noticing my slight distress in search of the missing lighter, he offered “pwede na yung yosi mo. ok lang yun”. The voice stimulating my auditory sensation. Like bells ringing instantly surprising me and giving me shivers. I snapped back and was about to give him my cig when he stepped closer trying to meet half way my lighted stick. The back of his hand touched my fore finger and I felt some heat emanate from it. Then I caught a whiff of his scent, like that of a baby’s, probably his angel’s breath cologne or powder, idk, stimulating now my olfactory sense, no, I think it went to my hypothalamus instead. I’m getting more confused. 

He was able to light up his cigarette and noticed I was staring at him. Probably thinking why my pupils are getting bigger, like I was about to bite him. “uh, thanks.” He said as he smiled and tried to look away. He then started walking in a stoic manner towards the opposite direction I originally was heading. I tried to say something like wait, or hi, but my voice seems to have been lost. I couldn’t speak. He stopped on his tracks. I decided to go after him but as I made the first step, he continued to walk. I froze. Unable to move. 

To this hour, I still recollect on the scenes that transpired this evening. How my vascular sensation was put to a halt. How I was caught in a stupor. How I could’ve asked for a name.. Probably a number.. How my heart continues to beat like I was doing cardio up to this moment as I recall every single detail a few hours ago. How I keep on thinking “what if…”